This Restless House - Citizens Theatre, Glasgow
14th May 2016
Writer: Zinnie Harris
Director: Dominic Hill
A group of us RED Theatre Higher Drama students went to see The National Theatre Scotland and Citizens Theatre co production 'This Restless House' Trilogy on Saturday.
I have never been through such an emotional, funny, exhausting, inspiring, and fraught experience as an audience member as I did yesterday when watching this extraordinary Trilogy.
The cast were universally brilliant, and brought the story to life with both strength and humour (how important that was!), but also depth, vulnerability, truth and fear in their performances.
The use of sound ( composer Nikola Kodjabashia ) was incredible. The sound was a whole other character, literally on stage - ever present, terrifying, cutting through the scenes, pulsing, throbbing, building tension but also creating and enhancing the humour and its absurdity.
Perhaps I just took a bit too much of myself into the theatre with me, maybe the writer, director and performers just knew where to poke and prod to affect me, however, this will stay with me for a long time.
Agamemnon's Return was absolutely exhilarating! Lust, longing, regret, fear, sex and death; the classic Greek form is there but feels much more relevant and vital in this setting, with these actors. Some reviews spoke of how part 3 felt disjointed and had an effect of making the trilogy less coherent. I disagree with this. Zinnie Harris has woven the very difficult to deal with theme of mental illness throughout all three plays. The guilt, self loathing, "what if?'s", that certainty that only a terrible act can end the torment; they are the threads that make the trilogy so utterly compelling. It breathes and rasps through 'Agamemnon's Return' then become more obvious through the character behaviours in 'The Bough Breaks' and finally brings it crashing into the setting of 'Electra And Her Shadow' in a way that honours the source material, but has a truthfulness to it that left me a complete mess. As if the ghosts that have haunted me through my illness, have been plucked from my mind and placed on stage to show their power to others.
It forced me to confront head on the feelings that have coursed through me as I've been coming to terms with and recovering from my own illness.
Feelings of insecurity, guilt, self loathing, the creeping nature of it, obsessive behaviours, the uncertainty it creates, the pain it causes others, the fear it will consume you, the madness, the bizarre tics, aches, pains and the dreadful imagination that the mind can torment you with ... And the need for it to end, somehow, for it to end. For some unthinkable act to seem like the only way to take control and end the pain and suffering for all.
I said immediately post show that even had I known how this play would have affected me beforehand, I would still have chosen to go. It's another thing that I had no idea would help, but it has, and in ways I haven't fully explored yet.
I went to the mid show discussion, which was enlightening ( I asked a question about sound as a character), and also managed a brief word with the Director Dominic Hill in the bar after the trilogy was over (The Citizens is wonderful for the fact that cast and audience are so easily able to mix after a performance).
As someone with severe anxiety, that in itself was difficult. I felt drained after the show ( it took nearly an hour before I felt ready to be properly back in the real world) and didn't say everything I wanted to say to him... Also that awkwardness of not feeling like I belonged there was niggling away at me, and you can't always defeat yourself. I have learned that I have to take my victories where I can find them.
My sole regret was that I wish I had been able to fully express what this experience has meant to me to others that made this come alive.
Had I fully processed the work, I perhaps would have felt able to also speak with Zinnie Harris, to say thank you for this wonderful piece of art. To be honest I was a bit scared of what she might say in response to my questions, that I would look foolish, that I was afraid to ask what her journey was that allowed her to write this way...
I may have felt I could speak with Nikola Kodjabashia, to tell him that his soundscape captured that viciousness of the way my illness interpreted the world around me in all its jarring, horrible glory...
I may have felt able to speak with Olivia Morgan and tell her that her portrayal of Electra had grasped and shocked me, that it told me things, and let me see parts of me, that I hadn't ever seen on stage...
To say to Anita Vettesse that her performance as Audrey had also affected me deeply, that she had me on edge, nervous for her and nervous with her from the start of 'Electra...' to its conclusion...
How I wish I had felt able to speak with any number of the brilliant cast and crew... Pauline Knowles, George Anton, Itxaso Morena, Ben Ormerod, Colin Richmond... Any of them to say this...
I would like to tell them that it really hit home, that it made me feel anxious, scared, fearful; that it made me laugh, hold my breath, gasp and cry. That it astonished me. That it took me to pieces and put me back together again in the space of a few short hours, that it's helped me to understand that I know I AM much better, and improving every day....
...that now, I can open my own window, and open it wide.